Well Hello Mr. Bull

I retired from early intervention as a teacher of the Deaf/Hard of Hearing. My job required me to provide early intervention services to infants and toddlers in their homes and childcare centers. This is how I met Mr. Bull.

The day I drove to meet the Bull family was a really nice day. They lived in the rural area of Cabarrus County and I enjoyed the quiet drive until the GPS said, “You have reached your destination.” The paved road ended and a very long gravel road began. I turned onto the road and saw a trailer home up the hill with a Confederate Flag which covered half of the front of the home. Out of my mouth came, “Now God, you do know that I am Black, right?” So, I called the intake coordinator to make sure that I had the correct address. And, yes I did. Then, I called the family’s phone number to make sure that I was at the right home. And, yes I was. I left a voice message for my husband and told him where I was and that if he didn’t hear from me in an hour, call me. Now, we were not supposed to carry Mace, but I took mine from under the seat and put it in my scrubs jacket pocket.

The child’s mother came out to greet me and she was very happy about getting started with our services. Her kind demeanor took the edge off and momentarily took my mind off that flag. Once inside, she introduced me to the child’s father, Mr. Bull, who presented with the most unwelcoming posture I had ever experienced. He stood stiff as a board with arms crossed and if looks could kill, I was dead. I said hello and reached out my hand to introduce myself when he stopped me in mid-action with the words, “I believe in the Confederacy.” My mind said, “What the ____?” But, out of my mouth came, “And I believe in the Constitution. I’m Wanda Pendergrass, and I am here to help you help your child.” Mr. Bull walked right out the door. The child’s mother introduced me to grandma and the three of us talked about the program and how we felt the child could benefit. I left the home with mom and grandma on board looking forward to the next session.

After completing the evaluation at the next session and going over the child’s diagnostic information, it was clear that she needed to get hearing aids. Mom and grandma were on my page but they told me that Mr. Bull was not. Mom could not move forward without his consent which he was not giving. I continued to work with mom and grandma on using sign language with the child in order to address communication development. Mr. Bull didn’t like that idea either, but grandma was able to persuade him to allow us to implement it. I remember leaving a session saying, Father, it would be so much easier for them all if the child had hearing aids. How do I get Mr. Bull to just listen to me? He won’t even come into the house when I’m there. Then the word “sanction” surfaced. I said to myself, how in the world do I gain sanction with Mr. Bull? That’s like walking on water and right about now, I'm more like Peter and less like Jesus.

Every time I turned around, I found myself thinking about Mr. Bull. This man had me stress eating chocolate! I really didn’t want to have to jump through hoops for this dude. After all, why should I? I had what he needed. It was his child, not mine that I was trying to help. Murmur, murmur, murmur……. And then Abba asked, “Are you finished? I replied, “In a minute.” He replied, “I’ll wait.” After I had emptied myself, Dad said, “You will spend your lunchtime with Mr. Bull.”

The day came for our session and I was super excited! I had received instruction. I would be inviting Mr. Bull to have lunch with me so that I could tell him why he needed to get his child to the audiologist. He was going to say yes and Bam! Problem solved! When the session was over, I went to Mr. Bull’s work shed ready for my victory. But what I had in mind was not what happened at all. To my surprise, Mr. Bull was a superb wood craftsman! He had beautiful birdfeeders, picnic benches, children’s rockers, and Adirondack chairs that he had constructed spanning from one side of the shed to the other! There were all kinds of craftsman tools and everything was very well organized! I was blown away! I told Mr. Bull that I would love to hear about his craft and he was happy to oblige. I don’t think Mr. Bull thought about me being Black, I didn’t think about his flag or what I wanted him to do. We were simply engaged. There was my sanction.

When I arrived for the next session, Mr. Bull was in the home. Shocker! I complimented him again on the beautiful things he was able to do with the tools in his shed and asked him if I could show him some of my tools. We looked at a YouTube video that showed the benefits of amplification for children. We played around with dummy hearing aids. He was surprised to see how petite and cute they were and was happy to know that his princess could have a sparkly pink pair. He saw that his daughter’s hair would cover them up and kids wouldn’t know she wore them. He didn’t want kids picking at her. There it was! The root of his resistance! I thought Mr. Bull just wanted a different teacher. And, perhaps he did. But, the root of his resistance was that I represented confirmation that his child had hearing loss and he was afraid of that.

It was a real challenge to get Mr. Bull to make the audiology appointment. He put me out of his home three times when I pressed the matter. Yep, three times! I knew it wasn’t personal though. He was just afraid. A lot of times, people will push away those who have their best interest at heart when they’re afraid of making a decision or don’t want to be held accountable for their decisions, regardless of the reason.

Eventually, we made the appointment and I joined them. Mr. Bull was a bundle of nerves at the appointment and wanted to leave because “It was taking too dadgum long.” Thank God for grandma! She was able to calm him down. The child got through the evaluation and we returned at a later date to pick up the hearing aids. The family was so excited to see the way the child responded to their voices and music. Mr. Bull was not only happy but I think he was also relieved. He laughed and bounced his daughter on his lap and gave her mom a high five. I had never heard Mr. Bull laugh. I think that was one of the happiest days of my career. I told Mr. Bull that he was a great dad who had made a decision which his princess would always be grateful for. He replied, “She happy ain’t she?” I smiled and nodded my head, yes!

My work with Mr. Bull was quite tumultuous at times. But being assigned to his family was very helpful to my character development.

1. As a child of God, my steps are ordered by Him. Mr. Bull was assigned to me for God’s purpose. It’s not about me, it’s about what God needs to be done.

2. Presumptions: “When you believe that something is true without having any proof”. Mr. Bull had already judged me as a person of color and I had judged him as soon as I saw his flag. Both of those judgments could have kept God’s will from being done.

3. I had to humble myself before God, not Mr. Bull, in order to not take offense when Mr. Bull put me out.

4. Dad helped me to understand that it wasn’t personal. It was fear. Fear can make you think ugly, talk ugly and act ugly. And our adversary loves to use it! Photo: Sophie Louisnard

5. It was important to honor Mr. Bull’s role as head of his household. He would continue to have very important decisions to make on his daughter’s behalf and he had to go through the process.

6. Dad used Mr. Bull as sandpaper for me. There were layers of “Really God?” with an attitude that needed to be sanded down.

7. God fulfilled his own assignment. He only needed me to have an ear to hear and a heart to obey.

God tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9 (MSG)

“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work. For as the sky soars high above the earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think.” To that, I smile and nod my head, yes.